I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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