i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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