I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
