mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Damn victory sex feels great
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
