I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
