Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
