the condom got lost in my hair
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
