I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
