I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
