seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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