and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
