At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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