the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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