from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
