i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
