I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
