I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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