don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
