i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
