she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
