dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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