I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
