all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
