I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
