I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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