i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
