How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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