She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
