I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
