i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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