i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Couch. On fire.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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