I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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