we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
