She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
