those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
