Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
