We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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