dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
