i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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