We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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