i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
