he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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