The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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