My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
