I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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