somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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