I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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