shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
