Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
