He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
