I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
