I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
