so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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