I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize