I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she peed on how many people?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
