Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
