I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize