hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
