I cut my penus on the lid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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