She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
