carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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