Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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