Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
