Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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