Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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