I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize