so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
