Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize