I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
