i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
