I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
