i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
