I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
